Goodbye Letter to Alcohol

I was looking through recent posts on my Reader and came across the post on The Daily Post by Cheri Lucas Rowlands,  titled “The Art of the Open Letter”.  It reminded me of the goodbye letter I wrote to alcohol during one of my outpatient treatment programs.  This is, from what I know, a somewhat common practice in addiction treatment.  The Goodbye letter is a form of “therapy” to solidify the decision to be rid of the addiction, whatever it may be.  I will say, that this goodbye didn’t last forever.  But it was a good attempt.

This is my letter, dated January 10, 2012:

Dear Alcohol,

I know you must be wondering where I have been the past few days.  You have been such a constant companion to me for 30 years.  It has been a long rollercoaster relationship with you, especially these last 10 years.  I have known for a long time that you were not good for me to be around.  But I needed you so much, and you were always there.  You were a comfort when I had a bad day.  You were my party-animal buddy when I had a good day, or something to celebrate.  You stood beside me when I was mad or upset with someone or something.  You kept me company whether I needed it or not.

So you grew on me and I came to rely on you for support for everything.  You began to take over my own thoughts and actions.  You stood in the way of anyone who tried to become my friend.  You were always too jealous and hateful to let  anyone else be most important in my life.

I have been trying to tell you for a long time now that I just can’t have you in my life any longer.  But every time I tried to tell you, there you were, standing there waiting with open arms.  I fell right in every time.  Even though you were causing destruction in my life and slowly killing me, I kept giving in to you.  I gave in every time without even trying to say no.

The other day I realized that if I wanted to take my life back from you and regain control of my own life, I had to at least try.  I had to fight back.  The only way to fight back and keep you out of my life, is to never see you again at all.  Ever.  Because once I let you step foot in front of me with those open arms, I will fall for you all over again.

I will remember each day how I let you take over my life and what I need to do to keep you from doing it again.

There may be times that I miss you.  I may even cry for you.  But I will always remember that you came into my life pretending to be my friend, but you slowly turned me into something I wasn’t and held me hostage for so many years.

The past 4 days have been nice, but tough at times without you near me.   There is an emptiness that I must find a way to fill.

I know there are many people out there for you.  Maybe you can be friends with someone else who is strong enough to understand how you operate.  I cannot handle how you operate.  It has destroyed me.  So I am saying goodbye to you – forever.

Ann